It is not uncommon for parties you are in a high state of anxiety and may pick a fight with any one - even you as a mediator - because of the high level of anxiety as a reult of the conflict they are involved in.So does a mediator buy in to their conflict?
無心 Mushin (Chinese wúxīn; English translation "no-mindedness") refers to the state of mind where one does not assume anything but is open and prepared for anything including losing bad habits, losing the mind (not the crazy way), losing one's restrictions, inhibitions, "no fear" etc - which is vital for dealing with conflict.
I am always reminded that we as mediators are very privilaged that the parties are sharing something so intimate and emotional with us - in fact - we get to meet everyone who is the part of dispute - unlike the advocate who may only meet one party.
Much like a very accomplished musician that no longer reads the music, as they "just lets it go" from the heart / mind / soul following hours of diligent, methodical, and mechanical practice - the musician reaches a state not by thought or movement the same way a very skilled master "feels" his space, his opponents movements and connects directly to that feeling which allows him to fight unrestrained by thought, or technique.
You will notice master mediation practitoners in this state mushin - no fear, no bias before meeting the parties for the premediation or conducting an intake for the first time.
The new mediator often react to this with responses from the amygdala and enter a violation protection mode that may include:
buying in to the argument
start sharing "well I had a had a tough day too" ... story with the parties
forgetting that the parties are in most cases do not behave like this 24 hours / 7 days a week because the conflict has challenged their values
Inevitably ending up escalating or darkening the conflict .... but the experienced mushin mediator on the other hand will position him or herself to blend or connect with the party and (figuratively) and take them to a place where they have no choice but to listen to you.
Myamoto Musashi 宮本 武蔵 (born 1584) is undoubtedly the most well known samurai swordsman - he is revered in Japan with the likes of Spartacus, Knights Templar, Joan of Arc, Napoleon Bonaparte and Genghis Khan. Although he was never led an army his high profile duals are etched in the Japanese psyche and he wrote The Book of Five Rings (五輪書, Go Rin No Sho), a book on strategy, tactics, and philosophy that is still studied today.
Musashi's most remembered duel took place when he was 30 on Ganryu Island with Sasaki Kojoro - when the strategies and the mindset of this master swordsman all came together.
Timing - Musashi took into account the tides so that he could arrive on the Island and leave
Acknowlegdement of the presence - Musashi prepared an exit strategy, and most importantly acknowledged his opponent but did not meet frustration and taunts with anger. Instead Musashi took notice of things that reality checked with his foe and empathetically pointing out:
"Kojiro you have lost.. you abandoned your sword case.... you just threw away your life" at this very moment the dynamics between the parties had shifted
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